FINGER PAINTS! (and friends!!)

Ethan and Abby have friends sleeping over for a few days while their mom and dad are away. This, of course, gives us a chance to practice life with four kids in the house. Today -- just to really test the waters -- we tried fingerpainting! Fun!

The Unblinkable Difference

As promised, I am serving up some information that I learned in

my research for my term paper. As I read study after study that sought to quantify the effects of transracial adoption, measuring adoptee's self-esteem levels and factors relating to the development of positive racial identities and the like, they all began to sound rather similar. Generally, those who have been transracially adopted have positive experiences. There are exceptions. There are unique challenges. But generally, studies consistently show transracial adoption serves as a positive means of providing essential care and a sense of belonging to children who might otherwise never be placed in a family.

One journal article that I read, however, presented a unique angle to the transracial adoption debate. The author discussed the reasoning behind the common practice of biological matching within the adoption world. She then compared and contrasted this approach with what occurs in transracial adoptions. She concluded that transracial adoption offers some distinct, though perhaps understated, benefits. Here is what I learned (based largely on J. Swize's article, "Transracial adoption and the unblinkable difference: Racial dissimilarity serving the interests of adopted children" in the 2002 Virginia Law Review):

The obvious racial dissimilarity inherent in families formed by transracial adoption has been termed the “unblinkable difference." It has been proposed that this unmistakable reality actually serves to directly benefit transracially adopted children by facilitating open communication about adoption within families, promoting positive associations with adoptive status and racial identity, explicitly confirming the desirability of a particular child for a particular family, relieving disappointment regarding dissimilarities between parent and child, encouraging acceptance of unique traits and interests, and developing insightfulness regarding family and humanity. Beyond these direct benefits to the child, there may be indirect benefits achieved because of unconventional parental expectations based on the unblinkable difference. Such benefits are linked to the discouragement of unrealistic assumptions of generational similarity, increased awareness of a child’s uniqueness, and greater recognition of the child’s own role in his or her accomplishments.

Reflecting on these proposed benefits gave me hope for our future adopted children; however it also gave me pause and made me analyze how my biological assumptions with my daughter, Abby, and easily assumed biological connections with my white adopted son, Ethan, could actually negatively impact their lives. That was a twist that I had never really considered before!

Finally, I just wanted to report that we received results from Ethan's psychological review. He did tremendously! For a child who did not have the advantages of consistent loving care in his early life and who exhibited obvious developmental delays when joining our family three years ago, how amazing is it that he tested completely average! (maybe even a little above average in some areas--wow!) We praise God for the redemption of lost time! "God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!" --Ephesians 3:20 (The Message)

Planning (with care)

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that. --James 4:13-15

I figure some of you readers out there (whoever you are) might be interested to know some more details of our plans for the future. Admittedly, there is still a significant amount of "coming-together" that has yet to occur, but we continue to sort out what we can and to trust that our sovereign God is working all things together according to His will.

The church has begun the process of a pastoral search. Mike is committed to serving in his current role as pastor through June if that is what works best for the church. Depending on the needs or circumstances of an incoming pastor, the exact timing of the transition may be adjusted earlier or later as necessary.

Where will we go? We have been blessed to be able to move into Mike's grandmother's home near his family. They live close to Canada's capital city of Ottawa. This location will also be a bit closer to my family in Pennsylvania. Granny, a wonderful lady with whom I am so eager to spend time more regularly, has been living with Mike's aunt for several years but has maintained the family home as well. It is a three-bedroom, brick home with lots of character, and will serve our family just fine. It is in town, close to a small park and within walking distance of the local library. There are several grocery store options closeby and even an aquatics center! (Have I mentioned that Ethan has learned to swim with no flotation device?? --just within the last few weeks at the YMCA!)

What will we do? Mike is planning to enter a PhD program in Religious Studies at the University of Ottawa. He also has a few leads on job opportunities, including a position with the company he worked for while he was in seminary. During that time, he provided personalized care within a group home setting to clients with severe autism. Mike found real satisfaction in serving these individuals, and he is excited about the possibility of returning to that same company.

Ethan will be starting school in the fall. In Maine, you are not automatically required to send children when they turn five. Because of the reality of Ethan's developmental delays, we choose to take advantage of this policy. We feel Ethan has made tremendous progress in the last year and would now be ready to start school. However, he will turn six just before the schoolyear starts, and we learned that school policy in our new neighborhood demands that six-year-olds enter first grade. Because we are concerned that his may not be in his best interests, we have been advised to pursue an evaluation by a licensed child psychologist who will determine the best placement for our son. It's really a win-win, I think. If he fails, he gets to go to kindergarten as we think he should. If he passes, WOW!

I will also continue with my classes. Since my degree program is available entirely online, I can continue even across the border. I am really enjoying the program. Currently, I am writing a paper proposing unique ways that the Church can support families who adopt transracially. Maybe I'll share a bit on that topic in a few days.

What else? Fortunately, my permanent resident paperwork is still valid, though its format needs updating. I have sent the necessary documents to receive the new permanent resident card. This not only provides me with legal standing in Canada and the ability to cross the border freely, but it also allows me to work if I choose. Also, we have sent the paperwork to acquire official recognition of Canadian citizenship for both Ethan and Abby.

Another huge issue is the sale of our house. Obviously, we are hoping that the right family will come along to purchase this great home. We think it has so many outstanding features, but we also know that it is a tough time to try to sell a home. We are praying that God will provide just what we need in His time. (Interested in a great place in Maine??? Check out http://www.547nmainbrewer.wetpaint.com/)

How does all of this affect the adoption? Remember the part about the significant "coming-together" that only God knows. That applies strongly here. Home study updates will be required as our living/working conditions change. It is possible that our time to pick up our Ethiopian kiddos will fall at just about the same time as our move...or it is possible that it will be some time after. Canadian immigration has assured us that there will not be any problem for these children to enter the country based on their father-child relationship with a Canadian citizen. There is still some question as to the exact steps necessary to finalize all aspects of North American adoption recognition and citizenship documentation in our unique situation, but, again, I have been assured by our caseworker that there is no problem with our planned arrangement.

I am, of course, extremely eager to receive our referral! Beyond the obvious excitement of seeing our potential children's faces, it will allow us to address other issues of planning. I am sorting closets and other storage spaces in anticipation of a giant yard sale in the spring, but there are many items that I am unsure what to do with. Should I put the cloth diapers and the training potty in the yard sale pile or the keep pile? What about all Abby's old clothes? Will we need the crib, the toddler bed, or more bunkbeds?

Indeed, there is still many details to be worked out, but we continue to plan with care, relying on the assurance that we have a God who is with us all the way.

Gotcha Day Anniversary

Three years ago today, Ethan took a somewhat terrifying taxi ride away from his orphanage home. A lot has changed since then...

Good Fun in the Sun (with lots of Snow, too!)

The Tapper family took advantage of a beautiful Sunday afternoon and headed outside for some winter fun. We used the snowman kit that the kids got for Christmas to create a Mr. Snowman, but one snowman is never enough! So we made a few more friends!




Things have been pretty busy for us lately. Traveling for Gramma's funeral, preparing for our future move, and watching the progress with our adoption agency has kept us in high gear.
We hope to have very exciting news to share on the adoption front within the next few weeks!!

Going Home

My wonderful grandmother passed away during her sleep last night. This was not unexpected; in fact, many of us family were praying that her time would come quickly. We rejoice that she is "in fellowship sweet," to borrow a line from the hymn I remember her most often requesting: "Trust and Obey."

Here's a reminder of its text:

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we'll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go--
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

I am blessed with wonderful memories of exclamations over beautiful, pink flowers, tins filled with the best cookies in the world, a choice of pie for my birthdays, Thanksgivings at the kids' table, many summer days in the pool, noisy (zzzzzzzzz) nights in the trailer, treats hidden inside stuffed bears, and wonderfully warm hugs. I am also blessed with the assurance that Gram is most happy at home with Jesus.

Sharing our News

Yesterday, Mike announced our intentions for him to resign at the end of his current term as pastor at Pathway. While this news was tough for many in our congregation to hear, our Christian family has been very gracious and encouraging in their response to us. What a gift!

After sharing the news at church, Mike and I had a conversation with Ethan and Abby over lunch. Abby was in a goofy mood and responded to the news of a future move with glib excitement. Ethan was much more thoughtful. After asking several questions about details, he was quiet for a while.

Then he said, "When you move away, you still love people. You just can't hug them."

Yes, buddy, that's right.

1 Thessalonians 3:12
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.

Worship Practice

This afternoon, Abby asked if she could play drums with my pots. That sounded like a good idea to me, so I laid out some ground rules and let her go. A few minutes later I overheard a conversation that went something like this:
Ethan: No, no, no, that's the chorus.
Abby: Ooooh, the chorus.
Ethan: Okay, let's start with the low part.
Abby: And then we do the chorus...LOUD!
Ethan: Yeah, we'll do the low part and then the loud chorus.
So here's a snippet of the end result -- Ethan and Abby's version of "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord"...

More Outdoor Winter Fun

We have really been enjoying snow and ice related activities out in the backyard this winter. Here's a peek at some of our fun...

"The Tapper Rink"

Daddy ice-dancing with his Cinderella

Look out below!!!

Abby takes a turn down the chute.

Big shooter!!!

Hope you're enjoying your winter, too!

A favorite pic from our Holidays

We Love Snow!

Secret Hiding Place

Ethan was helping a woman at the church one day last week. The were in the little kitchen area getting some refreshment items together when Ethan spied a bag of candy up on a shelf. Noticing the direction of his gaze, our kind friend asked him if he would like a piece.

Ethan whispered his response, "Mommy doesn't like me to have a lot of that . . . but I know a hiding spot."

Amused, our friend asked, "Is it in your pocket?"

"No, mommy checks there."

At five years old, he's apparently already got me figured out! At least I still have some good informants!

Choirs, Cuties, and Continuing to Count

Our church Christmas choir presentation went very well this past weekend. Here's a little collage to give you a taste of our experience.

Just for fun this morning, the kids got dressed up and we did portraits at the house. Fun!

Also, we have passed the 6 month mark since shipping our big stack of paperwork to Ethiopia (that's 13 months since we started this adoption journey!) Can't wait to bring home our own Timbits!

Fun in any kind of weather...

Well, while the adoption process wait continues indefinitely (we got word this week that wait times are increasing and that young sibling groups are especially hard to estimate), the weather around here has provided lots of fun for the Tappers. Last week was warm and rainy, but yesterday, we woke up to a dusting of snow! Check out the pictures of our fun. (Note especially the "after" picture in the center of the puddle-jumping collage! These kids meant serious dirty business!!!)

Leaves to Rake

Today, we raked.

Naptimes are becoming less frequent in the Tapper household. Though not yet completely nonexistent, the afternoon times of quiet tranquility are no longer expected by this mother. So, instead of counting on an hour or two of "my" time, I try to be intentional about planning my day in such a way as to get the things I need to do (without kids) done during the times of the day when the children are happy to play by themselves and to enjoy other activities together. Sometimes, it even works.

Then there are those other days when you just try to make something work.

Today, we raked.

It was something we could do together. Even though it wasn't necessarily on my list of things to do today, it is the kind of activity that provides some measurable sense of accomplishment once you've completed it. It's a good energy-burner for active preschoolers. And all the romping and stomping and rolling and tossing that go together with raking made us laugh and giggle and take lots of pictures! It all also reminded me of a section from Mark Buchanan's book, the Holy Wild:

A leaf. Behold a single leaf. So fragile, it tears like paper, crushes in your hand to a moist stain, sharply fragrant. Dry, it burns swift and crackling as newsprint, pungent as gunpowder. Yet a leaf may withstand hurricanes, stubbornly clinging to its limb.

Hold it open in your palm. It is perfect as a newborn's smile. Pinch its stem between thumb and forefinger and hold it to the light. Eden bleeds through. Its veins are like bone work in silhouette. This single leaf, joined to the tree, drinks poison from the air, drinks it serenely as Socrates downing his cup of
hemlock, and refuses to return in kind, instead spilling out life-giving oxygen. This leaf tilts to catch the sun, its warmth and radiance, to distill the heat and light down to the shadows, down to the roots, back up to limbs. To shade the earth. To feed you and me.

A leaf. God makes these season after season, one after the other, billions upon billions, from the Garden to the New Jerusalem, most for no eye but His own. He does it faithfully, or else I would not live to tell about it, or you to hear.

Perhaps of all my many sins against heaven, this ranks with the worst: Until this moment, I have never thanked God for a single leaf.

Which is the problem with faithfulness: We hardly notice it. Faithfulness is, by definition, the predictable, the habitual, the sturdy, the routine. It is the evidence of things seen, but seen so often we've grown blind to them. It is the substance of things expected, expected so unthinkingly that we now take them for granted.

Today, we raked. And I am reminded to say, "Thank you, God, for leaves; for family to share them with; and for your great faithfulness which provides my strength for today and bright hopes for tomorrow."

Court Successes

For those of you following our adoption process, there was some wonderful news for two other families today. Held back from uniting with their children due to court closures during the summer, these families were also denied when court reopened due to changes in the paperwork requirements. However, today--a day earlier than expected--both families passed court! This is especially exciting for our family to watch as both of these families are adopting young sibling groups.

Check out the families at http://www.romans815.wordpress.com/

and http://www.family-from-afar.blogspot.com/

Also, just because it is fall and beautiful in Maine:

Fun Fall Times

I wanted to share some of the action around the Tapper home. As fall has come, we've been able to enjoy some fall family traditions. For one, we had our pumpkin stew a few weeks ago. Yum yum! We've also been enjoying some hikes through the crunchy leaves. Yesterday, was pumpkin carving day, and today we enjoyed the candy-collecting walk around the neighborhood with one crazy dinosaur and one silly penguin! Take a peek at our fun...

Learning the Lord's Prayer

Today was one of those days with young children. They do not do anything that is bad in and of itself. It is just when they do it and how they do and what they were supposed to be doing instead of it. Today was definitely one of those days.

Needless to say, I was eager for some quiet after-the-kids-are-in-bed time. However, I was ever hopeful that our bedtime routine might yield some teachable moments and quality family time. I had decided earlier that the Lord's Prayer might provide a helpful guide for our devotional prayer times, so I chose to introduce it tonight. My kids generally respond well to an echoing format for learning Bible passages and other memorizable information, so I started saying the prayer phrase by phrase. They repeated back phrase by phrase. I made a mental note to emphasize "Hallowed" another night since this is "H" week in our journey through the alphabet. I opted for "debts" rather than "trespasses" for the sake of their young tongues. Then came the line, "But deliver us from evil." I don't know if it was the fact that she was just coming off trying to pronounce "temptation" or what, but Abby's tongue couldn't handle it all. Instead of deliverance from evil, we got "deliver us our weasel" and a whole lot of giggles after that!

Birthday Girl

Well, I'm a little behind on the announcement, but the official notice must be given. Abigail Hope Tapper is three years old. Our beautiful treasure (made for God) continues to love to sing and make music. Using some of her birthday money, she selected a hot pink toy guitar and microphone and has been entertaining us with her imaginative lyrics and unique dance moves. She enjoys pretty much anything pink, swimming, painting, her blanket, snuggling with Mom, wrestling with her brother, and playing tickle with Dad. She can be stubborn and has been known to take advantage of her hard-working, eager-to-please brother (as in tilted head and wide, serious eyes, saying, "Ethan will pick up my toys."), but she makes up for this in delightfully original goofiness, thoughtfulness (I don't think she'll be easily swayed by the crowd), and appreciation for all the wondrous little things of life. We are blessed!

He Did It!!!!!

After months of training, some difficult injuries, and a rather nervous morning (after having driven the course yesterday), we are pleased to report that Mike has finished his first marathon! The New Hampshire marathon has been run for 16 years around Newfound Lake. The relatively hilly course provided a significant challenge, but our favorite runner was able to finish in 4 hours, 50 minutes! We are so proud! Here's some favorite moments from the family experience:

Pre-race jitters are in full effect (at least for the one in the middle)!

Ethan and Abby had fun on the beach while Papa ran.

We caught up to Mike around mile 23 and tried to snap a shot of our favorite runner. We were much relieved to get a thumbs-up in response!

Ethan and Abby joined their dad for the last stretch.

Our champion!